Giovanna the Bank Teller
Towards the end of our conversation, I pull my glasses down from the top of my head. They’ve been sitting on recently washed hair. So, through wet, fogged up lenses, I make out the name, Giovanna.
Giovanna and I have just shared a conversation that you don’t get the chance to have when you are taking money out of an automatic teller machine. I’ve popped into my local bank to make an old fashioned ‘over-the-counter’ withdrawal.
Giovanna had looked at the company name on her screen as I keyed in my PIN…
“Well, Time & Space – so you’ve got the secret to how we get more of that?” Giovanna’s tone is so kind and friendly.
I smile and say, “Well in the world we live in, they are pretty rare commodities.”
Somehow there’s space to continue and I give her some more details… “it’s actually a service for schools, for young people – around the start of secondary school – and their mums, dads or mentors to have conversations they might not get the chance to have… not because they don’t want to have them, they just never get the time.”
I add the little extra piece that often corrects how people associate who the programs are for… “It’s not families who are in trouble necessarily, it’s for families who are going fast and that pretty much includes all of us citizens of the western world.”
Giovanna smiles and she is clearly reflective and willing to share… “Wow, yeah… so often I leave in the morning and say goodbye to the kids before they have headed off for school. I do try to make up and catch up with them when I get home. My husband is still there when I go in the morning.”
She continues and suddenly I am struck by that same occasional feeling that means you are reading this now– I think to myself ‘Hello! I am in the middle of a blog post here.’
She starts talking about her kids… “How old?” I ask.
“A girl and a boy – 16 and 15”. She smiles. “They’re good kids… you know I think it’s actually hard to be a teenager today.”
“It’s never been easier – in one sense” I say, “like, they don’t want for anything if they have two working parents… they’ve got access to the internet, their peers, games they can play…”
And then I agree – “and also I reckon you are right… it’s never been harder to be a kid, a young person growing up.”
I ask Giovanna a question, “when you and me were kids, how did we get in touch with our friends… the landline, right?”
She chimes in “and it was on the wall in the kitchen, everyone in the house heard what you were saying to your friends… you had limited privacy.”
This is turning into a very meaningful, reflective conversation in the bank… so, I come back with, “I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately… I reckon kids don’t get a mental rest from their peer group… if we had had a bad day, we could go home and have some refuge from our friends, just be with our family… it must be hard.”
Our conversation ‘to’s and fro’s’. We observe that the stereotype of kids tapping away at their Facebook accounts, is just a stereotype and we agree that there are plenty of us adults who’s eyes are down and responding to the latest ping on the computers we keep in our pockets and handbags. The world has been struck by A.D.D.!
She talks with a quiet pride about her kids. Parenting discussions can so often be fraught. Full of fear – fear of judgement. Giovanna explains that her kids still haven’t got into Facebook.
“Wow!”, I say, “there’s some intentional parenting there… great job!”
“Yes, my son…” Giovanna smiles again – “he’s just a really good boy and my daughter’s friendship group are really careful about using Facebook – they heard at school about a girl who got in terrible trouble and was assaulted a few years ago – so her group of friends are not into the social media yet. They might be on one of the other things…”
“Instagram? Pinterest?” I ask.
“Yeah it’s one of those things but not in a big way. She’s got a lovely group of friends… they laugh that they are not the cool group and I let her know that’s not such a bad thing. From my school days I remember thinking that being one of the ‘cool group kids’ – didn’t look like all it is was cracked up to be. It’s hard for them to keep up that reputation all day, every day.” Giovanna is impressing me with her home spun wisdom. So humble. So smart.
“Yeah, I agree… better to be the second or third group – less pressure. You must be doing a lot of stuff right,” I remark.
“Fingers crossed,” she smiles.
With a name like Giovanna, there’s Italian heritage there. She was a first generation migrant. Her mum is now in need of extra care and has moved out to a supported residential unit… her dad has moved too.
I ask Giovanna if she still does the things Italian families do…, explaining when Lisa and I were looking for a house around the inner northern suburbs of Melbourne, we looked at a place in Gooch Street, Thornbury…
“It was nearly twenty years ago now and I still can see that picture of four generations of that Italian family who were selling up – probably the first house they bought when they emigrated to Australia – there was a Great Nona, a Nona and Nono… mum, dad and kids sitting under the overhanging canopy shade on the back yard concrete that stretched out for a third of the block until a massive raised vegetable garden took up the rest of the back block.”
I explain that it was Labour Day weekend. March. “They were making the tomato sauce, bottling the passata as folk walked through their family world on an open for inspection.”
“Yes, that was us too”, Giovanna smiles. “It was tomato sauce on Labour Day, we did the salami, the preserved meats over the summer and the wine at Easter.”
“We don’t do that so much anymore. Life is different now, we’ve got busy.” And with a tinge of sadness Giovanna shares, “we’ve had to clear a lot of things out of the family home but I asked my sister to keep the wine press. Before Dad left Italy, he learnt to be a blacksmith. You see, Dad made his own wine press. We simply can’t get rid of it.”
“That’s a special family treasure. You’ve got to hang on to that Giovanna,” I replied.
There weren’t many people in the bank and we had dallied a tiny bit chatting as I made the withdrawal… but not too long.
Another moment of the extraordinary in the ordinary. Giovanna is a gem.
I smile and say goodbye.
As always feel free to respond with your thoughts and memories that spring to mind and heart. There’s a space below to do that.
I can proudly tell you that maintaining all my Italian food traditions learnt from my grandparents and parents:
1. Making passata sauce
2. Making Calabrese Salami
3. Utilising my late Father’s equipment to make wine that even he would be proud of
defines me as a person, and as a parent. It would be easy to find an excuse and say I am to busy to do any of the above in any year, I just refuse to. Life is fairly simple really. We just need to focus on the simple things.
The way I see it if one of my three sons continues this tradition, I have been successful
It’s funny how life works… I was about to read this article last night before tea, but didn’t quite get to it. Over tea, my 13 year old daughter commented that she must have slept really heavily last night because a friend of hers texted her 26 times at 1:30am and she slept right through it. Who texts at 1;30am?? – and expects an answer??
The kids are 13 & 15, they can choose when they go to bed during the holidays. However, having found out that my daughter stays up texting until 12:30am most nights and that the friend who texted at 1:30am slept through most of the next day, I decide to impose a restriction. Yes, you can choose when you go to bed, but no electronic devices between 9pm and 7am. Did I mention my daughter is 13? She has a serious attitude at the moment. Naturally my restriction came close to causing World War 3. However, I stuck to my guns and she went to bed without devices.
Now, reading this article over breakfast, I just want to say thank you. This is exactly the point I was trying to get across to my daughter. Apart from the fact that it’s important to have a good, continuous night’s sleep, it’s ok to have down time. It’s ok to have time to just sit and think. We do not have to be occupied every minute of the day. Often the most creative ideas and solutions are arrived at if we just give ourselves time to sit and think. The times just before and just after we wake up, in my opinion are some of the most precious we have. No one is demanding anything of us. We are free to think our own thoughts however they come to us. That’s important. Friends and electronic devices are great, but give yourself a break.
Hi Bill
It is great to hear from you – as always!
I hope you and your family had a nice Christmas Day.
I enjoyed reading about the chat you had with Giovanna and can relate to much of what you’ve written.
This year has flown by and every year seems to go quicker than the last.
How important it is to spend time with family and friends and keep those lines of communication open, particularly with our children. This could be a possible solution to slow the days from turning into weeks and weeks into months etc…. More time to “smell the roses”.
We’ll be heading off on a fishing trip early January with family and great mates and I can tell you, that I’m so much looking forward to catching some tucker, having a few+ stubbies and enjoying life.
Best wishes over the rest of the Festive Season and may 2016 be a year filled with many good times and success.
From Jeff
Thanks Bruno. Love that insight – great wisdom for 2016. Focus on the simple things.
Thanks Ruth. I often reckon too that it is us adults who need to see how we use technology. If our kids see us giving ourselves a break, they will value that too. Great thoughts on the start and finish of the day being preserved as tech-free. And all the best with the ongoing battles of WW3!
Always good to hear from you Jeff. Enjoy the fishing. Paul Kelly wrote a song called ‘Behind the Bowler’s Arm’… transposing a chinese proverb into the quiet rhythm of watching the Boxing Day Test. He drew on the proverb’s wisdom about when the angel of death comes to us, we can say “But you can’t count the days when I was fishing!” Achieving some genuine relaxation time utilising what I like to call a bit of Old Technology, is a nice place to arrive at. Have a great 2016 Jeff – you and yours.
Hi Bill
I will be attending one of your programs with my 13 yo daughter on June 1, in Hobart. I recently heard a great saying for moments when one needs not to take on too much or to not take on the issues of other people etc:
“If it’s not your dog, don’t walk it!”.
It was the comedian Julia Morris who said it at one of her live shows and she lives by it these days. Apparently it frees up a lot of her time and decreases her everyday stress. I’m going to give it a try!!
Thanks for the comments Josh. That is a wise insight from Julia Morris and I like your angle on it that it frees up time. Come and say hello at the Time & space Father-Daughter night. See you then!